• young son crying: I wish I had a burrito
• the mom pointing at the kid's burrito: son that is a burrito

• What girls say: I'm fine
• What girls mean: I'm too embarrassed to ask for water from your mom because this is the first time I've been over and she's asked me like 500 times if I wanted any and I've been saying no but I'm dying of thirst

reasonsmysoniscrying:

(Looking at Pokémon cards)

8yo: “Will you trade me for my Pussyduck?”

6yo: “No thank you, I’ve already got a Pussyduck.”

Me: “Guys? Um. Somebody want to spell that one out for me?”

8yo: “P-S-Y-D-U-C-K. Pussyduck.”

Me: “I see. Well, we’re gonna go ahead and call that guy ‘SIGH-duck. SIGH-duck.”

(Source: reasonsmysoniscrying, via reasonsmysoniscrying)

hellenhighwater:

saltofficial:

[lawyer voice] mothers and fuckers of the jury-

DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN I THINK ABOUT THIS POST??? IM IN LAW SCHOOL THIS POST IS GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE

(via sarachopsticks)

totallyboardaf:

brownmuva:

doaasadek:

I got my heart broken and I survived, I failed 3 courses in university and graduated, I got rejected in the very first job I applied for and got promoted yesterday, I went through hard times with my family but then two years later, we laughed our hearts out over lunch, The closest friends disappointed me several times but I made new friends and loved them with all my heart. I did it once, I can do it again.

I NEEDED THIS SO BADLY

This. This everyday. I need this everyday.

(Source: innerpeaceonly, via civilwhore)

nicknamenyquil:

daddycoolmurphy:

sadtit:

*cancels plans* sorry i can’t come i’m ugly

“You was ugly when we made the plans. Bring ya troll ass on.”

^ true friendship.

(via sarachopsticks)

kimreesesdaughter:

kimreesesdaughter:

The year is 2018. Your bills are on autopay. You just got paid and you still have $1200 from the last check. When you want something, you buy it without moving money around. Your credit cards are paid off. You and your friends have 2 international trips planned and paid for this year. Your parents are in great health and you’re able to help if they need anything. You love your job. Your desired creative career is falling into place and you get to take your little cousins to Six Flags and Universal Studios over the Summer. Your relationships are healthy and supportive. All of the toxic energy from the past 6 years is gone. You going to concerts, eating good across the states and your crib has art and warmth throughout. 2018 is going to be so good to you.

You will never get growth without letting go of negative energy and beliefs. Are you setting your expectations too low and hitting? Hmmmm…

(via kimreesesdaughter)

aymmichurros:

[enters my own room] damn bitch you live like this?

(via perks-of-being-chinese)